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Tale Time's Blog

Why Grandmothers should not live in the woods by Little Red Riding Hood.

1/29/2018

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Grandmas are great aren't they? They're always there for you. They rarely tell you off. They've always got time to give you a hug or share some wisdom. They hand out love and cookies and never moan about the sugar or not having enough time. Grandmas are brilliant. So why, oh why, do they insist on living in places that are hard or dangerous or just downright difficult to get to?

Take my Grandma for example, she lives in the Woods! And not a nice little woodland filled with helpful animals and flowers. No, my grandma bought a house in the DEEP DARK WOODS. Why did she do that? Now, every time I want a cookie... or a hug, I have to put my life in danger. Everyone knows that the DEEP DARK WOODS are dangerous. I don't know what these grandmothers are thinking.

So for all you young people out there whose grannies are thinking of moving  - here are my five best reasons Grandmothers Should Not Live in the Woods.

1. They're really far away...
At least half a morning's walk and grandchildren today are very busy, if you want to see us, you should stay close.

2. The Paths are hard to follow...
The woods are notorious for paths that lead this way and that. I've lost count of the number of people who got into danger because they took the wrong path in the woods. Make life easier for your guest, live somewhere a sat-nav can find.

3. Dark...
Grandmothers should live in places called Cherry Orchard Gardens or Love Lane. Addresses that start Deep Dark are not appealing to your grandchildren. Many of us are scared of the dark, why would you want to live somewhere that we're scared of?

Which brings me on to...

4. Witches...
Everyone knows witches live in the woods. If you are an old lady and you choose to buy a house in the woods, you only have yourself to blame if people start calling you a witch. And you know what happens to witches in stories... bad, bad stuff usually involving ovens.

And lastly and probably most importantly...

5. Wolves...
They're big, they're bad and they live in the woods too. Nine out of ten people that set foot in the deep dark woods end up coming face to face with a wolf. And we know that we're plucky and quite often find ways to defeat the wolves, or get saved by the timely arrival of a hero... but, it only takes one tragedy to be one too many. 

Grandmothers!

Do your grandchildren a favour... buy a bungalow on the estate round the corner. Then they can come see you every day without risking their lives. Or, better yet, move in... then you can bake cookies and give out hugs all day long. I'm sure Mummies and Daddies across the country would love to have you live with them.

That's all I have to say... for now.

​Little Red Riding Hood.


This is the first of a series of blogs entitled If Story Characters Blogged by Tale Time Stories. You can follow Tale Time on Facebook, Twitter or sign up to the mailing list.
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    Author

    Vicky McFarland

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  • Home
    • Who Are We
  • Teaching
    • Workshops >
      • Publications
  • Read
    • Kids Book Reviews
    • Greek Myths >
      • The Greedy King - aka King Midas
      • Theseus and the Minotaur
      • 12 Labours of Heracles - aka Hercules >
        • 1. Heracles and the Lion
        • 2. Heracles and the Hydra
        • 3. Heracles and the Hind
        • 4. Heracles and the Centaurs (Boar)
        • 5. Heracles and the Stables
        • 6. Heracles and the Birds
        • 7. Heracles and the Bull
        • 8. Heracles and the Horses
        • 9. Heracles and the Belt
        • 10. Heracles and the Herd
        • 11. Heracles and the Apples
        • 12. Heracles and the Hound
      • The One-Eyed Giant - Cyclops
    • Fairy Tales >
      • The Ugly Duckling
      • The Princess and the Pea - with a new spin
      • The Queen Bee - A Grimm fairy tale
      • The Dancing Princess
      • The Frog Bride
    • Stories from Around the World >
      • The Little Parrot - a Buddhist tale
      • Four Dragons - China
      • Snaring the Sun - Hawaii
      • Saving the Rain - Africa
      • The Three Princes - Arabian Nights
      • Strong Wind - Native American
    • Original Stories by Children
  • Watch
    • Sensory Stories
    • Scriptwriting
  • Sensory
    • About >
      • Videos
    • Home Sensory Session >
      • Home Sensory Session Kits
    • Sensory Shows
    • Sensory Story Bags
  • Listen
    • Rumpelstitlskin and Other Stories >
      • Buy Audio Collections
  • SHOP
  • Blog
  • Connect
  • Review Us
  • Get Creative