The Power of Beans by Jack

I made my fortune by trusting the power of beans... and you can do the same. Just follow my simple tips and you'll see the gold come rolling in. (If you really want to be successful, you must buy my book, in which I tell you all about how I got super wealthy and offer patronising and pompous tips so that you can try to do the same).

1. Picking your beans 
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You'll know you're onto a winner when you find beans no one else wants. If everyone says you are mad for wasting your money on useless beans, relax - this is the exactly what you should buy. Don't do any research, trust the dodgy salesman, especially if he tells you the beans are magic. The fact is magic is real and only he knows about it.

2. Investment
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The most important thing you must do when buying beans, is make sure you pay an extortionate amount - whether it be all your savings, the deeds to your land or your only cow. You've got to commit everything to this, if you truly want it to pay off.

3. Care

You must treat your beans with absolute disgust. Assume they will do nothing for you. Shout at them if you like. Tell them their worthless and throw them away (out of a window is best).

4. Grow

If you've taken the steps above then your beans will grow all by themselves. They will magically sprout - probably overnight. This is the best thing about my method - you don't have to do a thing. Just go to bed and in the morning your beans will have sprouted into a magical beanstalk. If this doesn't happen, then go back and re-do steps 1-3, make sure you fully commit to what you're doing - the magic only works if it's all you have left.

5. Follow your beanstalk to success

If you followed steps 1-4 correctly, you now have a beanstalk that will take you to a land filled with treasures for the taking. Don't worry about giants, they deserve deserve everything they get. How do you thing us rich, successful people make all our money... we take what we want of course.

Good luck :0)

And remember, if this doesn't make you as rich and successful as me, it's because you've done something wrong and probably don't deserve it. If you're serious about transforming your life sign up to my overpriced and under prepared training videos, I can take your money and make you see everything that's wrong about you.