The deep, dark woods are no joke. When Gretel and I were lost, we survived through luck, wit and grit. Here are our top five survival tips for when your father 'accidentally' loses you in the woods.
1. Don't trust anybody
When our Dad asked us to go for a walk in the woods with him, we assumed this would be a nice family outing. It wasn't. He waited until we fell asleep and then left us. Luckily, we were on to him and had left a trail of breadcrumbs so we could find our way home, which brings me to point two...
2. Protect your breadcrumbs
Unfortunately, our breadcrumbs were gobbled up by a greedy bird. To prevent this, I suggest coating your breadcrumbs in poison. Gretel says that's cruel and you should consider using something birds won't eat, like paint on stones or chalk marks through the woods... (shame she didn't think of that earlier.)
3. Stick together
You'll probably want to blame your sister for being stupid enough to leave breadcrumbs that got eaten and then suggesting chalk, when we have none. But try to keep your angry words brief. You're going to need her, not least because it gets cold in the deep, dark woods at night and you'll need to huddle together for warmth.
4. Assume the worst
A few days into our ordeal Gretel and I came across a house made entirely of sweets. We should have known all was not what it seemed, but we were greedy and foolish. Don't be like us, if it looks too good to be true, it probably is.
5. Witches can be outwitted
So the worst has happened and you find yourself at the mercy of a witch who is fattening you up to eat you. Don't panic. Keep on your guard and wait... at some point witches always make mistakes. Be ready to strike and in the meantime enjoy the food.
And don't forget to tell us how your ordeal went and how you got out of it.
Hansel (with a very small - almost not worth mentioning - amount of help from Gretel)