Despite what people may think, I do not fall asleep easily. Even though I am always tired, my mind buzzes with fears... what if I don't wake up? What if I do wake up and the whole world has changed? What if my prince forgets to wake me up?
These things can keep me awake for hours and hours.
So I have a few top tips, for getting a good night's sleep.
ONE: Make sure your bed is far away from everyone, preferably up a tower.
Two: Find a spinning wheel and let it's gentle whirring lull you off to sleep.
Three: Agree with a prince of your choosing a time and date to be woken up.
Four: Ask a witch to put a spell on you... it works every time.
Don't forget to set an alarm!
Sleeping Beauty xxxx
Grandmas are great aren't they? They're always there for you. They rarely tell you off. They've always got time to give you a hug or share some wisdom. They hand out love and cookies and never moan about the sugar or not having enough time. Grandmas are brilliant. So why, oh why, do they insist on living in places that are hard or dangerous or just downright difficult to get to?
Take my Grandma for example, she lives in the Woods! And not a nice little woodland filled with helpful animals and flowers. No, my grandma bought a house in the DEEP DARK WOODS. Why did she do that? Now, every time I want a cookie... or a hug, I have to put my life in danger. Everyone knows that the DEEP DARK WOODS are dangerous. I don't know what these grandmothers are thinking.
So for all you young people out there whose grannies are thinking of moving - here are my five best reasons Grandmothers Should Not Live in the Woods.
1. They're really far away...
At least half a morning's walk and grandchildren today are very busy, if you want to see us, you should stay close.
2. The Paths are hard to follow...
The woods are notorious for paths that lead this way and that. I've lost count of the number of people who got into danger because they took the wrong path in the woods. Make life easier for your guest, live somewhere a sat-nav can find.
Grandmothers should live in places called Cherry Orchard Gardens or Love Lane. Addresses that start Deep Dark are not appealing to your grandchildren. Many of us are scared of the dark, why would you want to live somewhere that we're scared of?
Which brings me on to...
Everyone knows witches live in the woods. If you are an old lady and you choose to buy a house in the woods, you only have yourself to blame if people start calling you a witch. And you know what happens to witches in stories... bad, bad stuff usually involving ovens.
And lastly and probably most importantly...
They're big, they're bad and they live in the woods too. Nine out of ten people that set foot in the deep dark woods end up coming face to face with a wolf. And we know that we're plucky and quite often find ways to defeat the wolves, or get saved by the timely arrival of a hero... but, it only takes one tragedy to be one too many.
Do your grandchildren a favour... buy a bungalow on the estate round the corner. Then they can come see you every day without risking their lives. Or, better yet, move in... then you can bake cookies and give out hugs all day long. I'm sure Mummies and Daddies across the country would love to have you live with them.
That's all I have to say... for now.
Little Red Riding Hood.